tonight i am feeling very odd. i'm in a writing mood but i have nothing to write about. i keep sneezing and i'm so cold. but i cannot turn my ceiling fan off. the washing machine sound it creates is so comforting.
i don;t know what to feel, i wanted this summer to be amazing but it's going to be horrible. maybe i complain too much.
but today i realized i should be happy and i was happy and now i am not.
it's like i can't ever stay happy without being sad. i just. i need. nfdsj. i need.
does anyone read this? fucking hell. if you do, please just call me right now. get a phone. call me. sing me a pretty song or tell me you are thinking about me. i don't care what time it is, just call me so i can stop feeling so alone. i really need someone right now and i can't find anyone.
i went out to dinner tonight.
i'm starting to eat more, i guess. but that doesn't really matter.
i'm trying to be happy but everyone keeps saying it's not something you try to do.
it's just something you do? or some shit.
I CAN'T BE HAPPY.
I CAN'T FUCKING BE HAPPY AND I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO DISAPPEAR.
please lay down and breathe with me?
give me music, too. your favorite songs. i don't have enough music.
i think i just need to breathe and go see a therapist and talk about why i feel like such a god damn freak.
Monday, June 1, 2009
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